Chelsea Hull

First things first. You’re both alive so breathe.

Breathe some more.

Tough topic, right? Relax, you’re in a safe a place. Every child with Autism is unique may have drastically different triggers for a meltdown. I have a few general guidelines and some specific advice to consider. I’m being totally serious with a dash of humor. Because without humor, God only knows where I’d be.

Struggling to discipline your child is a sign they have have a disability. This is serious. Learning HOW to help your child is more important than continually trying to teach consequences IF your child isn’t yet cognitively or emotionally ready to accept consequences.

It’s really hard. I know.

Stop and think about it. If you and your partner have been consistent and your child refuses to accept your discipline and becomes aggressive. Stop what you are doing. Plan time for self care for you.

If you don’t know what’s causing the meltdown you are now on a mission to discover the WHY. And to do that I want you to think about staying calm and supporting your child through this instead of using any forms of traditional discipline.

If there is a demand being placed on your child that is prohibiting him/her from regulating-consider the idea of releasing the request of the demand. Yes, that means your child “gets away” with this one. If you find yourself with a disregulated child for over 50 minutes or longer after weeks of consistently trying to discipline you must be asking yourself if it’s worth it. This is particularly important if there are any self injurious behaviors or aggressive vocalizations. If you release the demand and magically your child can regulate, then tell yourself “it’s not giving in because I planned to release the demand”. Now, plan to gently backoff during these times and support your child in learning to do whatever it is they’re struggling with.

Also if you haven’t read The Explosive Child by Dr Ross Green, here it’s he link: https://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Sixth-Understanding-Chronically/dp/0063092468/ref=sr_1_1?crid=SX6NNVK1ZAAQ&keywords=the+explosive+child&qid=1663458705&sprefix=The+explo%2Caps%2C509&sr=8-1

I prefer the Audible version personally.

Your next job is to focus now on understanding why the meltdown happened. How can you avoid this from happening again? I know it’s hard. I know you want to just discipline your child. Trust me, I get it. Find a good time and discuss this with your child when he or she is regulated-that is usually the best way to figure out how to avoid it from happening again. If your child responds well to medication I suggest waiting until a time when they are well regulated so they can really communicate about their struggles constructively and connect with you.

Now for you special mom’s who have been to a few rodeos and tried it all :

If the meltdown was in a familiar location with people you know and will see again, follow these steps:

Call your favorite “Special Mom” and plan an hour to talk about what happened. Or send a Marco Polo. Free therapy friends.

If you don’t have a “Special Mom” in your life, find one, anywhere. Shoot, comment and I’ll talk with you.

Consider the people who witnessed the event. If they were helpful or understanding consider thanking them. Think about using this as an educational opportunity. The unfortunate situation might now open their eyes to really believing or better understanding more about your parental challenges. If they still don’t get it, move on. It’s okay.

If the melt down was in a public space where you most likely will never see those people again:

Give yourself grace. And remember those people will never see you again. Imagine for just a second that all of those people who witnessed the event, understand. Soak in that thought for a nice long minute and then move on!

If you were alone with your child or at home with your family, step outside and breathe. Plan some self care for yourself tomorrow and if you have a bottle of wine, open it.

Breathe again. Find grace for your situation. Know that each time this happens, you will try your best to learn from it and be better prepared for the next one.

Say this out load three times: I’m doing the best I can do and so is my child.

From a salon chair, getting self-care,

Chelsea

Mother of two beautifully exceptional children with high IQ’s, awesome special interest, and talents